I am very up and down at the moment – there are days where one memory or one event can lead me to wanting to sit in bed and sleep/cry all day and there are days when I feel like I can face little challenges. I want to take days (like today) where I can face the smaller challenges and egg myself on to conquer some larger ones. Therefore I wanted to make a list of things I can still achieve this year (if I am up to it) The reason I don’t want to be too concrete on these things is because I already spend a good amount of time beating myself up over things – I don’t want to add this list to that.
I am not a great cook. In fact I barely do it and when I do my boyfriend has to help me a lot in fear that I am going to do something drastically wrong. I want to change this and get more into the habit of knowing how to cook for myself even if it’s the most basic of meals. This will also mean that I am not relying so heavily on Stu and give him a break from having to cook after work.
Try To Keep Things Neater And Cleaner
Chores are something that I wont do if I don’t force myself. Which is weird because on most days once I start cleaning/arranging/sorting I can’t stop and I enjoy my time of mindfulness and that extra boost it gives me after it is finished and the room now looks better for it. I want to be able to make sure I am not leaving things for too long leaving me with a much bigger job then it should be in the end.
Revive My Blog
I know I have been saying this every couple of months this year but I really want to start regularly writing here again. I miss that little feeling of accomplishment and the interaction it brings with people. I want to stop overthinking it though and see my blog as more of a space I can write whenever I feel like it not like I must write on it everyday. I got too much into that mindset and I think that is what put me off writing for a long time.
Do More With My Evenings/ After Work
I think I have to accept I am always going to be tired after work but if I always use that time to sit and stare at the TV/play The Sims 4 I am going to stagnate just because I have been at work does not mean I have to switch my brain off for the rest of the day. I often find that doing things distracts me from stupid thoughts anyway. This goes for evenings as well I often find that when Stu comes home I see that as a sign to stop and be ultra lazy – it’s not good.
Worry Less About Things I Can’t Change
This is going to be a hard one to conquer as I have been struggling with it throughout my life. I am sick of worrying and panicking over situations that can’t be changed by me that goes for worrying about myself or worrying about other people. If something goes bad – it goes bad all I can do is try my best in the situation.
Focus On More Hobbies
Recently I have been slacking with all of my hobbies. One of the main things I want to achieve by the end of this year is to complete the cross stitch I am currently working on. But I really want to start sewing, reading, writing and producing music (a recent addition) more as well. This comes down to using my time more wisely and like I said starting stuff in the evenings.
Get Into More Of A Routine
I need to start doing this for my physical and mental health. I have not been the best at looking after myself recently and I feel like with more of a routine I will be able to think clearer and hopefully set my mind to eating healthier and exercising more. I am so disappointed at myself because I felt like I had really improved with this last year when I didn’t have my job and that I let it slip once Denise became ill. My anxiety does much better when I have a routine I think it is because my brain likes having a plan!
Arrange More Exploring/Doing Days
I want to be able to hold my middle finger up to my anxiety and arrange more days of exploring and trying new things. I want to be scared by things but then think afterwards ‘wow I just did that’ or ‘that day was amazing’ I am nearly 26 and I feel like I have been a hiding in my shell for too long. Also I always feel better for doing things.
Accept That Sometimes I Am Not Going To Feel Great
This one is pretty self explanatory. Some days are going to be shit. None of my days are ever going to be the same without my mum. I just need to take those crap days in my stride and wait them out. I can’t be happy all of the time and striving to be is going to send me loopy. All I can do is live the best I can and not let my depression weigh on me too heavily.
Thanks for reading .