When the days they seem to fall through you well, just let them go.

Song of the day: Blur –  The Universal 

The Universal has forever been one of my favourite Blur songs just from the atmosphere it creates, Damon’s voice, the lyrics and the over the top instrumentals at the end. Also everyone has got to love A Clockwork Orange inspired video!

Today’s Thoughts: 

yesterday was driving lesson day, it went much better then last time. I seemed to be able to focus a lot more and I am correcting the car and my feet on the pedals when I need to. I still have a long way to go in terms of driving but I am determined to get this thing down.

We have a bunch of stuff that needs doing this week and I am finding myself being frustrated with companies for not having great customer support and bad running websites, it seems like every time I want to get something done its a massive struggle. This does not help when you have social anxiety so have to gear yourself up half a day to ring or email somebody.

Overall I have been feeling a lot more positive and in turn because Stu hasn’t been feeling too great emotion wise I have been able to return the favour and support/look after him a bit more. Just wish we had a bit more money to go out somewhere instead of being cooped up inside all the time!

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Keep up positive attitude.
• Keep up on my cross-stitch.
• Stop binge watching Bates Motel!

Today’s Positive Photo: 

Throwback to that time me and HollyRobiin went to Twycross for the day and Holly snapped this cute guy!   

 

 

 

I’ll admit I’m wrong if you’d tell me.

Song of the day: Blink 182 – Always

Blink 182 greatest hits was the first CD I ever bought with my own money. I remember being in love with all of the songs on that CD and feeling really cool whenever I played it. I will always have a soft spot for this bands older songs and I was very happy when I eventually got to see them headline Reading festival in 2014.

Today’s Thoughts:

Today has been a weird one for me I have felt a lot less motivated then I have every other day this week. I have found it harder to stick to schedule and I have found myself losing focus on things I wanted to complete. I think to be honest I am still tired from yesterday, which is really ridiculous because I was only tired from my driving lesson! I also had a lot of horrible nightmares last night so that might be why I am tired.

At least I have tried my hardest to not procrastinate and I have completed all my goals for today (this blog being the last of them) so I can’t beat myself up too much about it. I just feel like everything is taking a lot slower then usual.

I did some uploading to Ebay this morning. I only had a few items so it didn’t take me too long. I then did my exercise routine which still makes me sweaty and out of breath. Had a shower, went to the Post Office, had lunch and then spent and hour and a half at my grandmas watching a documentary about Slash’s life. I had a nice time, my grandma lives in the flat below ours so I try to see her at least once a week.

it hasn’t been the most eventful day but it hasn’t been awful either really.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Push myself to do the chores.
• get to bed early so that I can be proactive tomorrow.
• Check out why my ear hurts …

Today’s Positive Photo: 

All the way back in 2011 cosplaying Luke from Hellsing. (This photo makes me giggle so much!) 

 

Lots of people talk and few of them know Soul of a woman was created below.

Song Of The Day: Led Zeppelin – Dazed and Confused.

This is the song of the day because it is Led Zeppelin. No more explanation really.

Today’s Thoughts: 

Today was driving lesson day and wow it was a hard lesson today, we travelled so much closer to the busy roads towards town involving so many junctions and roundabouts and I feel exhausted now!! I had one slip up with my feet being in the wrong place at a junction we took on early in the lesson and I think it knocked my confidence for a bit and even worse made me lose some of my concentration but I soon got more into the swing of things as time went on.  I can feel myself getting better but I really want to rely less on my instructor now but that is a such a scary thought to me. At this moment in time I cant ever imagine driving on my own.

Other then my driving lesson I have done all my chores (go me!) and I have practised two hours on my theory for driving so I feel like although I haven’t worked today (if you can call selling crap on Ebay working)  I have been productive. I am so tired now though that I don’t think my brain can take anymore strenuous activity.

I hope to go make some chocolate chip cookies now. I have never made them from scratch before so fingers crossed this isn’t a complete nightmare. Wish me luck!!

What Can Make Tomorrow Better:

• Try to make cookies.
• Eat cookies.
• Cookies.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

This is what we like to call ‘basket cat’.

 

 

Like the smallest bee packs a sting.

Song of the day: Billy Talent – Red Flag.

It’s hard to believe this song came out so long ago! Billy Talent was constantly on my album rotation when I was teen. Red Flag is an angry song with lots of bite and I still find it enjoyable to listen to now, even if it does feel a little over dramatic.

 Today’s Thoughts: 

Today although I do feel that I have been more distracted, I have stayed on track. Yesterday I ended the day feeling content that I got everything done that I wanted to. Making a daily plan every morning is really working for me and I feel much more fulfilled and happy for it!

This morning I focused on a few little Ebay bits, getting my exercise routine done and having a shower. I also started on the chores early so I don’t have to do them all in one big lump like I usually do. I plan on spending the rest of my day focusing on creative avenues such as writing and sewing which will be fun because I do think I have been working hard on the Ebay side of things since I came up with my new schedules and focusing less on creative endeavours.

I think I am really striking a balance between how much I work and how much I have down time and I much happier for it. It is hard sometimes when you don’t leave the place you ‘work’ in every day and when you don’t have a boss to find the motivation to do stuff sometimes and that can really mess up your brain. I just hope I can keep going and maybe start to incorporate some bigger tasks or goals to my every day lists.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Paint my nails again.
• Snuggle Wheatley.
• Don’t get too distracted.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

Me and Sally Anne at the last NHF Hairdressing Competition. 

 

I think I need your help, I think she’s coming back.

Song of the day: Mars Argo – Using You.

Mars Argo is a bit of a mystery and I think that is what has made her so intriguing to everyone. I just really like her singing style and I enjoy listening and singing along when I don’t have to concentrate too hard on whatever I am doing. Using You is so catchy and I find myself listening to it more and more.

Today’s Thoughts: 

Yesterday I had a pretty chill day. I slept in, I did my exercise routine, I had a long shower, I played some Sims 4, I did some reading and that is all really. I didn’t want to really think about too much and I thought after last week I deserved a bit more of a day off. I got to bed early last night which was good for me as I get grouchy with no sleep and after that relaxing day yesterday I feel like I have really been able to focus and put my mind to stuff today.

Today I got up at 6 and took it easy in the morning just writing out my days plan. At 8 I started work on my Ebay and then at 10 I went for a half an hour walk which was lovely. Sometimes I forget that I can just leave the flat and walk about without really an aim. This is something I am hoping to get better at doing.

I am also trying to get better at creative writing and I am currently reading Bird by Bird: Instructions on writing and life by Anne Lamott. I am only a part way through but I am enjoying it so far. So today I took some of the advice from this book and I spent an hour writing outside of my blog. I found it really enjoyable and freeing. I didn’t try to be a perfectionist about it instead I have just written it rather informal tomorrow I will go back to my paragraph and pick moments that I like and start again.

Today has been really positive so far and I really hope this good mood stays.

 What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Do my face mask tonight.
• Go to bed early again.
• Be happy with whatever progress I am achieving.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

My cool dad being cool, sitting on a chair he made this weekend.

Sometimes I think it’s getting better And then it gets much worse.

Song of the day: Florence And The Machine – Big God. 

This song is just out of this world. It is such a beautiful song. The music video is very powerful as well. I love it. That’s it really.

Today’s Thoughts: 

I meant to write yesterday but for some reason I couldn’t push myself to put the computer on. I had my driving lesson again yesterday. I feel like I am getting better now at general driving its just whenever there is a lot of other people on the road that I start to feel more out of control. We went round a big roundabout which was very scary and rather exciting. Other then that I felt motivated enough to arrange some of the storage around the flat and do chores but I was very tired after driving again.

In the evening we went to my parents for dinner which was nice. We see Stu’s parents every week but I don’t get to see mine as often because they are busy people. We had gammon and macaroni cheese which was lovely but very filling.

I wanted to exercise this morning but unfortunately when I got up I have pulled something in my back and it is so painful. Having not exercised and limited movement is not making me feel the best so I am trying to keep busy but not do too much strenuous stuff to try and fend off depression I know it would be easy to drag myself into it in this state.

So far this morning I have finished my book Columbine by Dave Cullen which was fascinating yet tragic and I have sewn the basis of a bag. All be it not a very neat basis of a bag but I am happy that I have gotten something done and not beaten myself up over little failures.

At the moment I am finding it hard to know what to put my time into. I want to decide a future career but I still don’t have a clear goal on what I want that to be. I am hoping that I can make some sort of a clear weekly planner or at least plan day by day. So that I am happy with my progress and I can really decide on an avenue I want to work on. I feel guilty when Stu is at work and I am stuck on what I want to do, feeling overwhelmed and ending up not doing anything.

I need a solid plan and a solid way of making money really without having to go back into a crappy retail job. Some people enjoy the retail sector which is great! But it really isn’t for me.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Take some painkillers!
• Start to think about making a planner of some sort.
• Don’t drag myself down.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

A shot of Coombe Abbey Park on a much sunnier day.

 

 

I will soon forget the colour of your eyes and you’ll forget mine.

Song of the day: Pierce The Veil – I’m Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket.

Pierce the Veil have featured on this blog before but today I am really feeling listening to the album Collide With The Sky. Pierce The Veil was probably the last band I really got into before I kind of fell out of my ’emo’ phase 😛 I have a very special place for them in my heart and I’m Low On Gas was always my favourite song by them.

Today’s Thoughts:

I didn’t blog yesterday as I kept having a really bad headache but I did go to my driving lesson yesterday which I really feel I am coming along on I am still panicking a bit when I see lots of other cars on the road with me but I am still learning on the quieter routes at the moment and my confidence is definitely building.

Today is about trying to get as much done that I possibly can. No excuses. Just getting all my goals done. I did my exercising this morning which makes me feel much better. I always used to roll my eyes at all the people who would say exercising made you feel better but it really does! I have only been doing it every other day in the morning and I just do 15 minutes cardio following this video by POPSUGAR Fitness. It is really cheesy and the woman is so over the top but I love it because it actually motivates me to try my hardest. It is also really good for absolute beginners – which I am.

I have set up a Depop for selling some clothes as I have heard somewhere that Ebay is a lot harder to sell that sort of stuff on recently. I don’t know if my old clothes will go one there because to be honest (and I am going to old here) the people who shop on there look a lot more stylish then younger Holly.

I am off to a museum tomorrow with my step mum and my younger brother, so I am looking forward to that. What I am not looking forward to tomorrow is the Dentist. I cant stand the dentist, its one place my anxiety really attacks me. 😦

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Try not to dwell on the upcoming dentist appointment.
• Get as much done as possible.
• Don’t beat yourself up too much if you don’t.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

The Pierce The Veil sign up on the stage at Reading festival just before they came on stage. 

 

In my dreams I rock and I rule the wonderland.

Song Of The Day: Caravan Palace – Wonderland. 

I love Caravan Palace and will usually listen to them and bands similar if I have work to do putting stuff on Ebay because they are fun to listen to but not too distracting. Wonderland is my favourite Caravan Palace just because it makes me feel 100% cooler then I really am – it just has that feel to it.

Today’s Thoughts:

I have been pretty happy today I spent all morning uploading/taking photos for Ebay and it was nice to get some more stuff up. I just wish it would pick up a bit – I was blaming the sun for it being too hot for people to buy but it has been rainy here recently. Buy my stuff people!! It is amazing how long it takes to upload stuff and it quickly becomes boring so I am happy that I got a fair amount uploaded so I don’t have to worry about doing as much in the future.

Other then have my lunch and watch a couple more episodes of OITNB (Oops I was only going to watch one but ended up watching two – I find it so hard to stop myself from watching it all in one go!) that is all I have managed to do today. I am hopefully going to start drawing up some patterns to make a bag after I finish this blog and I also need to do some more chores before Stu gets home from work. I have had a bit more of a laid back day from yesterday but I am still getting things done and putting my mind to my goals so I am not unhappy with my progress at the moment. Slow but it is moving and that is the important thing.

I still feel like I should be planning to go outside more or do something outside of the flat but I am unsure what that really is at the moment. It is something I need to think about so I don’t drive myself stir crazy.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Catch up on drinking water. (Sometimes I just forget to drink)
• Make sure I finish my chores sheet.
• Practise some different stitches.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

Wheatley balancing a feather on his cute head.

 

You Are My Sweetest Downfall.

Song Of The Day: Regina Spektor – Samson

I am not 100% sure what this song is about. All I know is that I think it is lovely. Regina Spektor is a beautiful singer and if you haven’ t listened to any of her music I would really recommend it because she is highly underrated.

Today’s Thoughts: 

I have been really slacking on the blog side of things but to be honest I think I needed some time away from updating and reflecting too much on my life. I feel much more on track since I last updated and that is mainly because I wrote myself out a plan and given myself some achievable goals within all my endeavours.

As for what I have been doing since I last blogged? I have taken one more driving lesson – which went well. I went to the dentist on Thursday and he told me he needed to fill in a tooth he filled in only a couple of months ago which was frustrating – also why is the dentist so expensive!? I also took a trip to Twycross Zoo with my old friend Holly. We had not seen each other in 10 years so it was a surreal yet lovely experience – if you would like to read more about our little adventure I would definitely recommend hopping over here. Holly certainly does Twycross justice with her beautiful photos/descriptions. The weekend I spent mainly needle felting tiny cats and watching the new season of Orange Is The New Black.

Overall I am really trying to stick on track with things creative, exercise and selling stuff wise. I want to get to the evening and feel like I deserve a rest and that I have accomplished all that I can that day. Hopefully I can do this without too many slip ups but I know I will still have days where I feel the simplest tasks the hardest to do. Going out with my friend last week also really showed me that I miss having friends around to go places with. I coop myself up way too much and I need to explore more. Hopefully when I can drive this will open so many more doors for me but for now I need to look into meeting more often with friends and exploring places that I don’t get to go to.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better:

• Work hard.
• Repaint nails.
• Don’t overthink stuff.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

Me and Holly at Twycross last Friday. 

 

 

Save me from myself, don’t let me drown.

Song Of The Day: Bring Me The Horizon – Drown. 

This is such a heartfelt and emotional song but I just really like it because it is one of the best songs to sing at the top of your lungs. Today is a day for uncontrollable singing.

Today’s Thoughts: 

I was quite happy with myself yesterday as I got all the goals done that I set out to do as well as my daily chore list. I had looked after my body with exercise/food/ drinking enough. So when it came to half four when I was all done I thought I would treat myself to playing The Sims 4 and I felt like I really deserved it.

Today I can’t say the same thing it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning and then I only managed to drag myself to the sofa to do my favourite thing: watch useless YouTube videos. Ugh. I feel really quite useless today and in all honesty it was a drag to even turn on the computer and start writing. Which for me now is really weird. I normally love writing.

Anyway I am hoping I find some motivation somewhere today. So I am just going to keep pushing my self to do stuff even though I don’t want to. How do normal people do life? because I feel pride over doing the smallest things but also stumble over the smallest things as well. I really hope I can figure this stuff out soon because I am getting pretty fed up of myself right now.

What Can Make Tomorrow Better: 

• Find my motivation again.
• find my positive attitude again.
• Complete today’s goals.

Today’s Positive Photo: 

I am not sure why I love this photo of us, I just do.